Motherhood

Sorry I haven't posted a new blog in a while. A lot of stuff has been going on. But now I am back for at least a little while I hope.
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Motherhood. When someone mentions that word to you you think of a woman taking care of her kids by giving them their basic needs. Motherhood is probably one of the single most stressful jobs on the face of this earth. Screw those office jobs. Let me tell you, motherhood is the most taxing, but the most rewarding jobs out there.
But motherhood isn't always cupcakes and daisies. There are times where I want to lock myself away and scream. But it quickly fades.
To new mothers, I'm not the greatest at giving advice about parenthood because I am a new mom (my daughter is 20 months) but let me tell you something, you ARE NOT a bad mom by wanting to murder your kids. You ARE NOT. It's completely normal. Trust me, you will think it sometimes but the next second you will feel so blessed and lucky.
Guys, let me say this to you. Yes, we are the mom. But that doesn't mean that we have to do EVERYTHING. It takes 2 people to make a baby! Motherhood is stressful. If you don't want to help out at least make it so the girl isn't always stressed out.
Motherhood has so many rewards. I am so happy that I was blessed with my beautiful daughter. But remember, it's ok to be stressed and it's ok to want to kill your kids. Just don't follow through. Just remember that it won't always be like that. Do something that you like to do sometimes. Take a break and please remember it's not a bad thing to ask for help.
I hope that some of you take from this. Because it really is a hard job being a mom. Here is to all the mom's out there struggling to make it through and to the moms that are just proud to be a mom.
With that, I leave you with one of the joys of being a mother. I hope you enjoy and I will talk to you next time readers.

2010

Well, it's that day again. December, 31. That day where we ponder on the past and get excited about the future.
This year wasn't all that great for me. I had so much bad news. But I hope that this next year will bring more exciting times for me.

I know what it feels like to feel like your life sucks. And I remember lots of people telling me that when one door closes a window opens. But I never truly believed a word of it. I had a whole line of bad coming at me at once and it was so hard to believe that there could be ANY good coming from it.

Readers, let me tell you this right now. As a CURRENT believer of that quote, "when one door closes a window opens." it is true! It may not happen now, next month, or even next year...but it will happen. From all the bad that happened, I got closer to my sister and my mom. I have a beautiful baby girl. I have the best group of friends anyone can ask for. All for the small price of coping just a little longer.

We all know someone who is having difficulty coping. If you know someone who is having trouble, let them know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

If your having trouble coping, you know those times when you sit and think about times that are good? Where you wish with all your might that you could have that? It's coming. I promise you. You will make it. Everyday that light will get bigger, brighter, and stronger. Just keep pushing and you'll get there.

Happy New Year everyone and I hope you all have a safe and fun night. Here's to an amazing 2011.

Worried Sick,

Today, while I was gaming in my bed, I had come to the realization that Kairi was going to be coming back soon. In 9 days to be exact.
I immediately started crying. Not crying cause I was happy, but crying cause I felt a wave of relief rush over me.
For those of you who know what it's like to have your child taken away from you, I'm not going to tell you that you are strong. I have been through those moments where all you hear is how strong you are and they know you'll make it through. If you are one of those people who always say how strong someone is when they are going through a situation like that, let me tell you something right now. We don't always want to hear how strong we are for making it through this because truthfully, when you get down to the nitty gritty, we really are dying inside. We arn't surviving and it takes all our energy just to make it through the day without breaking down and crying.
But sometimes, all we really want to do is cry. Cry, sob, weep and stay depressed in our room eating chocolate until we feel so fat that we are going to gain 100 lbs.
So the next time one of your friends is going through that kind of situation, let them cry on your shoulder. Just let them cry it out. Because it will make them feel loads better. And remember, sometimes it's ok for the world to feel sorry for you. You are going through a hard time. It's understandable.

Christmas with the family.

Before I start this post, I should probably tell you a little about my life.

I have had a hard life growing up. I have made horrible decisions and most of which I regret doing. There was one HUGE mistake that I had made, and although I do not wish that I could take back that mistake, I do wish there were a few things that I could change.
Out of that horrible mistake came the birth of my beautiful daughter, Kairi. She is my world and I never realized that I would be able to love one person so much.
I had gone through a custody battle for her and lost. Although, it was unjust in my opinion. Details about that may come later.

It was court ordered that every 3 months Kairi would switch between her parents. Her father is in New York and I am in Washington state.

Well, Christmas just so happened to land on the months that her father had her.
Usually, I am a girl who wants EVERYTHING for Christmas. I admit, as a teenager, I have been very greedy during Christmas time.

But this year was different. I finally started to understand the value of family. The only thing I wanted for Christmas was for my daughter to be there for me and for my daughter to get everything she could ever wish for for Christmas. I didn't get a lot, but boy did Kairi.

So to all my readers, please, cherish your time with your family. My time with my little girl is limited and I am missing so much in her life and I am missing her growing up. Cherish every moment you have with your family because in an instant it can all be taken away.

I hope you all had a merry Christmas. And here is to a good 2011.